Hatventures: Origins Episode I
By Hat Films
OPENING: A NIGHTMARE
Flashes of violent colour whip across the screen married with the haunting voices of our adventurers screams as they fall down a pit into the unknown. Sudden flashes of the 3 adventurers falling to their doom scatter across our eyes as the blur of a dream appears more evident. The muffled sound of our heroes screams become more distant and echoed as our protagonist comes into consciousness.
YOUNG ROSSRoss has a clean shaven appearance and slept in his underwear. He rushes over to his chest to get changed into his army uniform, ready to impress the sergeant when he enlists for the seventh time.
(Huffs and puffs as he wakens)
A fanfare of bubbly orchestral music accompanies Ross as he rushes out into the bustling, busy village streets. The locale knows Ross well and he's quite the nuisance around town. Ross rushes pass a couple of locals walking by.
LOCAL VILLAGER #1Ross continues to run by, intent on getting to the enlistment point. He turns back to apologise.
LOCAL VILLAGER #2
LOCAL VILLAGER #1
Bloody kids these days
YOUNG ROSSThe villagers just look annoyed, muttering under their breath. The village is filled with people on their way to work and merchants can be heard touting their goods as Ross continues through.
MERCHANT (GREGG)Ross runs near the merchant and Gregg tosses a brick towards Ross.
Getcha mushrooms, 3 fer a pound.
Loaves half price, get 'em while ya
MERCHANT (GREGG)Ross continues on his path to the great hall of Tyrannus to enlist in the army. The Great Hall of Tyrannus towers above Ross' village and accents the mountainous ridge that surrounds the district. Ross can see his target as he runs through the winding village roads.
Good luck fella, you'll knock 'em
dead this time
Oh er. Thanks Gregg, I owe you
Wouldn't be the first time, off you
The entrance of the hall is grand and intimidating. Ross slows down as he takes the time to consider what he's about to do.
We can hear two guys standing in line ahead of him talking about he rumours of the little shits
SOLDIER #1Ross slows down as he nears the grand entrance looking around and admiring it.
I'm telling you, they're malevolent
little creatures. They don't stop.
You should've shown 'em some steel
It's not that they're dangerous but
they're just hurtful, you know
YOUNG ALANRoss turns around to see his old friend Alan.
You look surprised. You must've
known I signed up last fall.
YOUNG ROSSAlan rushes away into a crowd of uniformed soldiers. Ross seems a little taken a back as he shakes it off and enters the Great Hall of Tyrannus.
It's been so long I had no idea,
you're wearing different clothes
Erm. Yes...well it's been quite the
ride. We're just stopping through
before heading up north.
Up north? but...
...I don't have all the information
yet, but it seems like they're
That's crazy I don't...
I shouldn't have said anything,
listen I've got to go.
Good luck, maybe I'll see you up
No, I don't know what you're
Nevermind, I didn't say anything.
You may as well have said nothing,
I don't remember you being so
I've really got to go.
YOUNG ROSSRoss walks along the marble pathway towards a lonely looking desk centered upon a raised stage at the end of the hall. Two sergeants stand to attention at the desk while a rabble of fellow registering soldiers chat to one another.
(muttering to himself)
What he hell is up north? I'm
remembering why I didn't keep in
touch with that guy.
SERGEANT #1Ross shuffles closer to the desk to hand over his papers.
Well hopefully I'll make it...
Shut your hole boy. I ain't
interested in your life story, so
you shut your mouth when you're
talkin' to me!
That's not entirely...
Not one fer listenin' eh? Getcha
How old are you?
Eight...erm eighteen, sir
You look like a 12 year old
Ooh that's not P.C
SERGEANT #1The sergeant lets out a hearty laugh.
Nevermind, you'll do
We're not oo choosy these days,
we'll get you up front. Can never
have enough fodder
SERGEANT #1The sergeant walks towards a staircase leading up to the back of the hall. It's grand and leads up to an opening in the mountain. Several soldiers are walking through.
A-HA HA HA! He's right. They'll be
gunning you down in a heart beat
boy, welcome to the regiment.
Gunning?...with guns? I'm not so
What I say about shutting your
mouth huh? Follow me.
SERGEANT #1 I'll give you some words of wisdom
now, so listen up!
I'm all ears.
You sure are. goofy bastard.
Anyways on the battlefield the
first thing you need to remember is
(shouting from a distance)
You can't walk off. There's a
bloody queue piling up!
Erm...This is important. It's the
most forgotten technique known to a
soldier and by god, is it underused.
SERGEANT #2The Sergeant #1 heads back to his post at the desk. Ross looks back in awe and confusion, shakes his head and continues up the stairs. Ross turns to a passer by.
Hey, asshole. I'm not gettin' any
Coming! ... A wise man once told me
that no matter what you do on the
Godfrey! I WILL demote you if you
don't get your ass here right now.
Oh...er yes sir, my mistake. You're
on your own kid. Oh and grow a
beard for christs sake.
YOUNG ROSSRoss continues walking up the grand staircase that leads into the mountains ready for the training ahead.
Is he normally like this?
Fuck off wannabe!
EXT. TRAINING GROUNDS DAY
Ross is running in a rough terrain joined by several other soldiers in green, army gear. Ross jumps into a small body of water and wades through.
Oh god, this is a lot more than I
expected. I didn't bring trunks.
Come on, suck it up. Not much
YOUNG ROSSAnother soldier is about to pass Ross as Alan wades alongside Ross.
You sre like to crack the whip,
SOLDIER #3Ross powers through and progresses to a transition laying in a trench being fired at in a WW2 siulation.
Make way. You guys suck!
Aw c'mon, that was kind of uncalled
We're behind everyone. Listen you
won't magically grow a beard for
nothin' let's go.
This is it, you blocky S.O.B's!
We're in a warzone.
Gettin' fired at from all angles.
You can't run.
You can't hide.
And we're using live rounds people.
Live mother fuckin' rounds.
You will not die if you listen to
me. Now keep your heads down and
for gods sake do not get killed.
(under his breath) This training
still ain't legal.
(turns to Alan)
Live rounds? He's kidding right? I
didn't know there was a mod for
Don't worry, not been a death for a
while. Although Tim took a knock to
the nip if you know what I mean.
YOUNG ROSSThe troops take their guns out and head over the trench to face the oncoming gunfire.
A knock to the nip? How do you
merely take a knock to a nipple?
I'm in way over my head here.
Now, get your weapons out and lets
kill some simulated enemies.
YOUNG ROSSAlan leans over the trench laying on the ground. The Sergeant starts firing bullets into the air and celebrating.
Shits about to get real blocky.
SERGEANT #1Ross follows Alan over the wall and starts running towards the enemy.
Hey! This is where we get to shoot
shit. (pauses) Simulated Shit!
It's what I've always wanted.
Oh crap, This is great, this is the
rush I was looking for. Alan!
(huffs and puffs out of breath)
No, no I'm getting a stitch.
Go on without me, I'm gonna just...
This is hopeless
(spraying bullets randomly)
You can do this I know it!
I'm not cut out for this. These
guns, they're not fast enough, and
my legs. They're not fast enough.
YOUNG ALANThe Sergeant runs over to Ross and Alan.
Stop the excuses, I didn't come
along to watch you fail miserably.
Oh Alan, you're too hopeful. THat
glint in your eye, it's too strong.
It's blinding me.
Close your eyes man. It's too
SERGEANT #1The Sergeant pistol-whips (or just punches) Ross in the face.
What are you limp-dicked fuckers
That language is just
inappropriate. Alan's blinding me,
are there rules against this type
You better get up boy, or I'll
shoot you clean in the kneecaps and
you'll be down there for the rest
of your life.
You're a real motivator, Sir.
Did you learn your training at the
full metal jacket school for
YOUNG ROSSRoss gets up and follows Aan as they continue into the battlefield. There is gunfire everywhere and they need to yell over the noise.
(strong pained grunting sound)
Damn that smarts,
Right I'm motivated, don't know
about you Alan. Let's do this.
That's more like it, you lily
YOUNG ALANRoss reloads his gun and fires at a simulated clone zombie in the face. Blood sprays out gorily.
Make sure the safety is off, you'l
need to reload after each shot.
What no automatics? This is going
to get tedious.
YOUNG ROSSAlan and Ross run a rampage around the open land shooting simulated zombies as they go (much like the birds eye view scene in 30 days of night). The montage cuts between close up shots of gunfire and blood shed.
Ok. Yep, I can do this.
Not so tedious eh?
EXT. TRAINING CAMPSITE DUSK
Army tents set the scene as the guys are back at their camp. They are sat against a large tree overlooking the training ground. They simulated Zombie bodies disappear through a digital haze.
YOUNG ALANA shot of "digitalised zombies" are feeding on another soldier who's screaming and squirmingon the ground.
So, you did well out there.
Better than some at least.
YOUNG ALANRoss pauses looking into the sunset.
Ha ha, well, the real thing's much
worse my friend.
You don't have to tell me.
I've seen what they can do.
YOUNG ROSSMid way through his last word it cuts to the credits/black/endplate.
What? No flashback? aww c'mooonnn