Simon Junior is a clone or 'mini-me' of Simon Lane. This occurred when Simon impregnated himself since he had both sets of genitalia when he was young. Simon keeps his son a secret and makes him live in the cupboard under the stairs. Simon does not feed him regular food such as Thai fish in a bag, 'Simon's Cheesecake Surprise', or his famous curry, but instead feeds him coal that he gets from Wales because its the "Good Shit" and it's not 1950. Simon occasionally feeds him some wood shavings, too. Simon Junior likes to play with the children out in front of Simon's house, and likes to play HoN with the children that come over for Simon's "Babysitting Company". Simon Junior can also be seen on Simon's episode of "Come Dine With Me", being the waiter, dressed up in a cardboard tux.
- Simon Jr: "Daddy... Daddy where's Mummy?"
- Simon's response: "Fuck off."